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Category: BeaversDen

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Poll: Logo: Original v. New

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Finding Love

& Dropping It


In the world we live in as business professionals and the labor force that supports us, and to the vessels that help us to elevate enough to reach the ladder for us to climb up on our own… We often lose sight of that. We take this support for granted. But what’s worse is that often we hold a business ethos to ultimate our personal relationships. This seems well and good, but it’s not. It’s business nothing personal. This tells us that we can easily replace each other without any spiritual connection. This tends to clash. Especially when entering a relationship, it’s easy to hold the ones under that business expectations and we tend to forget that love is unconditional. And from there it’s just consuming. Go back to work and produce and come back home to consume.

BeaversDen is a company that focuses on socioeconomics, mental health, small business, veterans, family and dreams. To pick love up and drop it is disastrous. Especially when we end up doing it over and over and exhausting ourselves to the point where we don’t trust anyone else or ourselves in matters that are close to our hearts. This eventually turns us cold in our business and it affects our business relationships.

When we lose that personal element in our intimate lives, we end up losing that personal connection with our coworkers, our clients and our ventures. It is a balancing act rediscovering ourselves and providing for those we love. While it’s important to use logic as our main focus in business, we must be able to feel and be felt by vibe and energy.

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Making the Connection

It is what we strive to do, one way or another to survive. Some more than others because some of us like people while others, well, not so much.

We know this. We put this in the back of our minds as we hustle and struggle. We vent and restructure. We build and rebuild our selves and resources to make ourselves more marketable. And we tally up all the negative things people do to us, just so we can dismiss them and we do it for growth.

It’s not familiar to be alienated and abandoned but it is common nonetheless. And it’s becoming the norm. On a business front and in the home life. So what we do is mark each person that does us wrong with a piece of baggage. Whether it’s having many relationships or jobs, that burden becomes both a blessing and a curse.

As a matter of fact, we learn the most from failure. And either we displace ourselves away from society or we go with it and learn from it the best we can.

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Book an Appointment

Booking

If you are planning to start a business, or are growing your business from the startup phase to a well maintained small business, BeaversDen is looking for you. BeaversDen is also a small business that works with advertising, marketing strategies and public relations. Book an appointment:

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Outlets and Inlets

Outlets and Inlets by Glenn R Beaver, Jr

With my goals and dreams, I’ve come to notice something very crucial to my creativity. The hopes v the expectations v the reality. All in all, my little idea became a project. And that project became a goal. Maybe a slight obsession. It has been an age long dream to do something like this; to blog and to write. To talk to people and send a message. And so I began writing music, then making videos. And now, I’ve ventured in to making podcasts and writing in the blog. For what purpose, I don’t know. But more importantly, is it out there? Is the message going to be out there for years to come? And just for now, the content is barely relevant for all intents and purposes. This is new to me. Most of which is just testing the water and getting my feet wet. As time at times drags on, and flashes by, the content may gain substance. But if the message stays drifting into space until it is recalled back to Earth, how much weight will it fall with on the listener(s)? How much time could I say passes by before somewhere, some day, someone will read it? Or listen to the message.

If we say too much, does it mess with the space/ time continuum? I don’t know. What I do know, is that for many years I’ve always disliked absolute words like always or never. And I’ve always hated repeating myself.

I look for ways to measure myself against something that has nobody’s footsteps near it around it. But at the same time, I look for comfort and security. And that’s all it is. And in the measurements, I always come up shorter than I see it at the time being. One thing I have noticed is that if you don’t like for others to lie to you, be honest with yourself. Observe yourself and reflect. For me, this is very difficult to articulate without revision. At some point in time, I see others with judgment, thinking some of you really have it all together. And some of you more than others. For the rest of us, we tend to become comfortably complacent in our troubles. Making excuses for ourselves to inhibit recovery, growth and prosperity. But it’s not really an excuse. We don’t know how to observe ourselves. We don’t know how to reflect. At times it difficult to meditate on our internalized resources. We see clouds of thoughts inside our brain and we can’t quite sort them and compartmentalize them. Let alone figure out where to start or prioritize our thoughts and troubles.

All of us are naturally designed to be problem solvers. Yet our options are often out of sync with what is external to what is internal. This synchronization is imperative to active progress. And time is of the essence. So either we take the time and utilize everything or we use the fight or flight mode. This is problematic in itself. Lots of us aren’t guided or trained how to think, let alone how to work with things we cannot see on the internal. Emotions, thoughts, memory, experiences… those are all things that we have to deal with on the inside. And if you are riddled with memory loss or pain, maybe even diseases that hinder your ability to produce solutions to your problems, it is even that much more difficult to produce the fruits of life.

There are some things we can do to help this process. Pay extreme attention to and limit what we ingest. Food, alcohol, smoke, information, television, etc. Those are the inlets. These are the things that affect our cognitive functions and allows us to or retards our ability to perform our tasks to great efficiency. The state of zen being in the moment and one with everything and everyone is a powerful place to be. Meditation can be done anywhere sitting or standing. But it is a practice to maintain it. And it is to a very great degree, likely, that we may lose that focus and cause more problems.

My belief is that we will more than likely choose fight or flight instead of rationally contesting ourselves due to time constraints and the expectations of the external. Or at the very least, we tend to assume what those expectations and demands may be. So we end up fighting to reach resolve prematurely. As if we have a choice in choosing our problems to find solutions to. This often times creates alienation.

Some things that may help are prayer and meditation. We can pray and use meditation. But we must be willing to utilize these as tools and resources. We also must be willing to exercise and meditate for these are some outlets. Merely focusing on our being.

That is all for now, see you next time.

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What is Toxic? Set your boundaries

What is your definition of toxic? That needs to relevant and tailored to you and people you want in your life. Set your boundaries. Respect theirs. Understand each other, or leave. If they carry important titles of your life like mother, father, son, daughter, friend, boss, coworker, mentor, etc… if you’re going to be sharing space together… it should be imperative you look after the wellness of each other and respect their space and individuality and what makes them who they are as a person. This includes their baggage of their past, their wounds, their scars, what cuts them deep. Help them be better people. But don’t neglect yourself and what makes YOU better. Your focus should be YOU first and foremost. If you can’t make yourself a better person, you really shouldn’t be trying to make someone else be better. 

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Seeking New Startups, Micro and Small Businesses Seeking Ads, CRM Setup, and Reviews Management

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Compromise with the Retort

We have all been there. We want to be right. But what’s left when you’re right ALL THE TIME? Nothing. Just a bunch of what’s lefts. Right? So how do we acknowledge the elephant in the room without being right, or without assuming dominance in a situation that would be best described as functional if all parties wherein were exclusively committed to the other parties wherein? If there is no right or wrong answer, or right or wrong logical path to follow in the conversational shepherds facade, where can we gain common ground in the room to figure out how to let the elephant out of the room before it shits all over the place? This is just a very small thinkpiece to instill the minds of wander with the purification process of really enveloping the relationships at home before stepping out into the world again and creating new relationships; albeit professional or intimate.

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Business Plan

BUSINESS PLAN

BeaversDen – General Media
201 Ed Harris Rd., AShland City, TN 37015

May 19, 2019

Executive Summary
The Company
BeaversDen – General Media started off in 2009 as BeaversDen Productions as an independent audio/video production company for the sole purpose of producing Vallis Castor (a pseudonym stage name for Glenn R. Beaver, Jr.). For 10 years it dealt with advertising, marketing and public relations pertaining to the artist where budgetary funds were made available. It still continues to produce to this day the artwork and music pertaining to Vallis Castor. Since March of 2019, 10 years later, BeaversDen Productions changed scope from Productions to General Media under what is currently a sole proprietorship, venturing into becoming an LLC.

The Ownership
The company is structured as a sole proprietorship.

The Management
Glenn R. Beaver, Jr. Is in charge. Decisions are based on the clients need for projects and are situational to budget projection. There are silent partners in play. As of now, there is no board to mention. And all decisions are finalized by Glenn R. Beaver, Jr.

The Goals and Objectives
The Mission Statement is this: low cost advertising, marketing, public relations, analytics and search engine optimization to help newly founded or planning startup companies, micro-businesses, small businesses, and entrepreneurs gain a little bit of wiggle room in the discovery elements by council as an agency to the prospective clients.

The Product
There are Services offered by BeaversDen – General Media: Creative Services that include Graphic Design and Writing for which BeaversDen creates the graphics or obtains them by licensing agreements through creative commons or direct agreement and writing for which BeaversDen writes as an agent on behalf of the client. Advertising is taking some the graphics designed by BeaversDen or the licensed material and marking them up in alterated ways to help sell the client’s products and/or services.
Marketing is BewaversDen will utilize the Graphics Designed by Us in house or licensed for use in circulative campaigns in ads/ marketing emails for the client’s customers to keep them engaged and potentially convert into sales. Where Opt-In/Opt-Out features will be utilized as Privacy is important to everyone involved.
Public Relations will be utilized per conditional service requested. This will be utilized to help the Client maintain reputation and rapport with their customers/clients.
Analytics will be utilized as a service with detailed reports as to what information can be utilized to help the Client perform better at their product/service that they are offering to their respective subscribers.
Search Engine Optimization is utilized with categories and tags to help their services compete with their competitors and stay top ranking in the areas that which they want to stay on top of as defined by the Client.

The Target Market
startup companies, Micro Businesses, Small Businesses & Entrepreneurs.

Pricing Strategy
For Startup Companies: It is low cost.
For Entrepreneurs, it varies based on their customer base and clientele. It can be as low cost as it is for startup companies or it can be more expensive than that of a top performing Small Business. Micro Companies are also treated as Entrepreneurs in this light as they can be low cost similar to Start Ups or they can be costly as much as the Highest Grossing Small Business.

Brass Tacs
The Budget for the Services Alone for Each Category Starts at Less Than $100 a Month. My Max Out for Each Category of Service is $5,000 a month.
There are bundles available that fit to each variable type of budget and need of each service available to each client available. Each category assigned for example is 150 across the board for each additional service thereafter for the month. Each Month passes, new subscription must be acquired, for which the Agent, can wait until all services are completed before continuing services and reaching a new term of contract per services. To be fair and concise. Each Category can switch gears, one requiring more service than the others, some not at all… This can tilt the scale a bit. One service may end up not funded at all or at bare minimum. This is the sole discretion of budget management per the client. Council will be given. And BeaversDen reserves the right to cancel services where the Client does not heed the warning in council. There will be a 14 Day Free Trial for each Category available to be of service, Minus the Cost of Campaigns; and if Campaigns are sought, the Trial Period is waived and The Contractor (BeaversDen -General Media) will take charge of the duties in services provided to the Client.

The Competitors
My competitors are online. Typically DIY Help.

Business Plan – BeaversDen – General Media
The Company

Business Sector
The company currently operates in the professional and technical services sector.

Company History
BeaversDen – General Media started off in 2009 as BeaversDen Productions as an independent audio/video production company for the sole purpose of producing Vallis Castor (a pseudonym stage name for Glenn R. Beaver, Jr.). For 10 years it dealt with advertising, marketing and public relations pertaining to the artist where budgetary funds were made available. It still continues to produce to this day the artwork and music pertaining to Vallis Castor. Since March of 2019, 10 years later, BeaversDen Productions changed scope from Productions to General Media under what is currently a sole proprietorship, venturing into becoming an LLC.

Company Goals and Objectives
The Mission Statement is this: low cost advertising, marketing, public relations, analytics and search engine optimization to help newly founded or planning startup companies, micro-businesses, small businesses, and entrepreneurs gain a little bit of wiggle room in the discovery elements by council as an agency to the prospective clients.

Company Ownership Structure
The company is structured as a sole proprietorship.

Ownership Background
Glenn R. Beaver, Jr. (owner):
Glenn is a veteran of the US Coast Guard. He has a Bachelors of Business where his major is entrepreneurship and his minor is humanities. This degree was obtained while in military service through SOCCOAST Afloat and CLEP testing; non-matriculating to College of The Atlantic in Bar Harbor, ME. – 2005

He also has an Associate of Applied Science for which his concentration is by title, General Media. His concentration was in audio, and his secondary filed is video. – 2009

His work related interchangeable intelligence comes from 75 jobs in the course of 5 different career fields, all of which is to include some form of service. From Restaurants, Military, Retail, Marketing firms, Telemarketing Firms, Ad Agencies, Television Broadcast, Radio Broadcast and Independent Production Companies to Studio for Hire and Stage Production Services as well as Management in 3 of the 5 service detailed groups: Restaurant, Stage Production and Marketing.
Company Management Structure
Glenn R. Beaver, Jr. Is in charge. Decisions are based on the clients need for projects and are situational to budget projection. There are silent partners in play. As of now, there is no board to mention. And all decisions are finalized by Glenn R. Beaver, Jr.

Organizational Timeline
Each objective is based on a selected service – contractual agreement either made monthly, quarterly or annually to reach the agreed upon projections with each of the respective clients.

Company Assets
There are no company assets at this time.

The Product

The Product
There are Services offered by BeaversDen – General Media: Creative Services that include Graphic Design and Writing for which BeaversDen creates the graphics or obtains them by licensing agreements through creative commons or direct agreement and writing for which BeaversDen writes as an agent on behalf of the client. Advertising is taking some the graphics designed by BeaversDen or the licensed material and marking them up in alterated ways to help sell the client’s products and/or services.
Marketing is BewaversDen will utilize the Graphics Designed by Us in house or licensed for use in circulative campaigns in ads/ marketing emails for the client’s customers to keep them engaged and potentially convert into sales. Where Opt-In/Opt-Out features will be utilized as Privacy is important to everyone involved.
Public Relations will be utilized per conditional service requested. This will be utilized to help the Client maintain reputation and rapport with their customers/clients.
Analytics will be utilized as a service with detailed reports as to what information can be utilized to help the Client perform better at their product/service that they are offering to their respective subscribers.
Search Engine Optimization is utilized with categories and tags to help their services compete with their competitors and stay top ranking in the areas that which they want to stay on top of as defined by the Client.

Future Products
Niche Based Storefront. Products found to be of favorable condition and use by Glenn R. Beaver, Jr. in BeaversDen. Also, potentially utilized as a Affiliate Vendor Stand for Clients who seek a platform to buy and sell.

Marketing Plan

The Target Market
startup companies, Micro Businesses, Small Businesses & Entrepreneurs.

Established Customers
Cloud Nine Box. Recently satisfied an agreement.

Pricing
For Startup Companies: It is low cost.
For Entrepreneurs, it varies based on their customer base and clientele. It can be as low cost as it is for startup companies or it can be more expensive than that of a top performing Small Business. Micro Companies are also treated as Entrepreneurs in this light as they can be low cost similar to Start Ups or they can be costly as much as the Highest Grossing Small Business.

Brass Tacs
The Budget for the Services Alone for Each Category Starts at Less Than $100 a Month. My Max Out for Each Category of Service is $5,000 a month.
There are bundles available that fit to each variable type of budget and need of each service available to each client available. Each category assigned for example is 150 across the board for each additional service thereafter for the month. Each Month passes, new subscription must be acquired, for which the Agent, can wait until all services are completed before continuing services and reaching a new term of contract per services. To be fair and concise. Each Category can switch gears, one requiring more service than the others, some not at all… This can tilt the scale a bit. One service may end up not funded at all or at bare minimum. This is the sole discretion of budget management per the client. Council will be given. And BeaversDen reserves the right to cancel services where the Client does not heed the warning in council. There will be a 14 Day Free Trial for each Category available to be of service, Minus the Cost of Campaigns; and if Campaigns are sought, the Trial Period is waived and The Contractor (BeaversDen -General Media) will take charge of the duties in services provided to the Client.

Advertising
I am an advertising agent. That is a trade secret.

Competitor Analysis

The Competitors
My competitors are online. Typically DIY Help.

Staffing
BeaversDen – General Media will continue to employ one full-time employee for the foreseeable future.

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#MakeTheSwitch

#MakeTheSwitch

There has 22 years between the two rolled  up and brown bundles of cancer sticks. The first one and the last one. Some people don’t understand the significance of each individual puff of tar that rested a temporary anxiety in exchange for the build up of a larger attack. While there were temporary reliefs of calamity, the out of sight, out of mind issues were all too often disregarded as the one burner on the back of the stove.

Quitting smoking is a lot harder to do than say. But… I did it. … Well… Sorta.

Its amazing how much strength those little broom sticks have. They sure do know how to sweep away the time on the front porch, and on the back. All throughout the house of days long ago. The lingering aroma of Turkish blended menthol; the countless empty pack liners and cellophane just waiting to become an addition to the outgoing mail addressed to the city landfill. The addiction does not care for this regard.

All the butts in the trays, yard around the porch. The tarry walls. Dingy and dusty with cobwebs galore in the ceiling’s crown. Stepping outside became easier. Until the cold came. Or those scorched grassy days. Taking notice of the habit became a habit of itself. It took physical pain that caused a stoop to grind the teeth and clench the jaw, doubling over slowly to avoid the wriggly nerve from squeezing in-between the two discs in my lower lumbar. Enough with subsconscious littering. It was time to stop it. I bought a couple disposable types of vape machines before actually quitting . From there to pods then pods to cartridge.. trying different flavors.. what was once the welcome of menthols became a look of absolute disgust. Word to the wise, menthol and cherry anything vape is pretty gross to my discovery.

I tried the MyBlu, the JUUL and a mod box… And thus, I came to the espial by way of trivial knowledge shared by the few merchants Ive spoke with and have guided my crutch to cutting edge direction. The disposable types are not properly regulated at the nicotine content. And if they are, they are purposefully high in dose. No matter, the JUUL pods are still my favorite pod systems that have nicotine when I am not near a vape store. However, a bottle of ejuice will last me a month for the cost of four packs of cigarettes out of 7-10 in a week’s time. And while I am on the up and up, it’s not tar. Whatever chemicals are in them, at least it’s not tar. It’s been 3 months now. Almost 4. I don’t miss cigarettes at all.

In conclusion, would I recommend Vapes to those who don’t smoke? No. For them it might be hazardous to their health. But to smokers, make the switch. It’s worth it. I personally recommend the Suorin Air device, or the new one that comes with two batteries. And buy at least 3 cartridges for the month. Some are good for 5 refills. Some are good for 10 refills. Some are duds and just don’t work properly. But online the cartridges run for 2-3 bucks a pop. Cheaper in bulk. Nic Salts are another recommendation for the device. Pacha Mama makes sense great Nic Salt e-juice called Apple Tobacco. Thus far, that one is my favorite. If you’re quitting, I wish you good luck.

BeaversDen

Boundaries

Pain aside, I’m “fairly easy” to please. Some people, however, would say differently; and that whatever they do isn’t good enough (for me). I’m just challenging them to be better. It doesn’t mean I don’t like them or appreciate what they do. It doesn’t mean I never loved them unconditionally. And it really has nothing to do with me being content, except where it comes to clutter. I can’t think straight in clutter. It clutters my thoughts. And with chronic pain and major depression, it’s hard to do anything but dissociate from everything and everyone. It’s hard to pick up and clean. I get to doing that and my back would lock up.

Prior to that, it’s someone else’s stuff. And I’ve learned boundaries long ago. And I assumed that everyone learned about boundaries at some point in their teenage and young adult years. But I was wrong. I often conflict with manipulative people that tell me how to say or do something with some kind of special authority. If someone chooses not to confide in me, trust me, love me unconditionally…then they have no say in how I should say and do things. And while I am dealing with pain and depression, I will chew the ass off anyone who chooses not to be in that respective relationship role, albeit lover, friend or family and comes at me sideways with their manipulative control.

You are your own person. I am my own person. Step the fuck back and mind your own bubble. You can’t choose what other people say and do. You can only choose how you react to what they say and do.

This is the type of shit that stresses me out. People choosing not to be intimate with me, telling me how to be.

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This Past Week Will Pass

It’s been rough wrapping my head around my behavior, my life, who I chose to stay with, how I’ve come to accept the failures in my life, but not really accept them. I’ve been in the darkest part of my being, completely alone. Regardless if amends could ever make things right.

I’ve been unsettled on some things lately. Mostly anything that resembles home, just isn’t my home. Not my chair. Not my woman. Not my children. Not my art. Not even my website. Not even MY cat or my aquarium. It’s not mine. It’s leased to me by how I behave. My behavior has to be acceptable.

But how does one with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Conversion Disorder and Chronic Back Pain maintain good behavior with someone who isolates them while sucking what little joy there is out of life? As much as I want to make things work, it’s not working. And tonight, I lost an investment because I can’t control my afflictions well enough without medicine, and I can’t control how I react to newly introduced meds.

I am not who I was 20, 15, 10, 5 years or even a year ago. Pain is my biggest weakness.

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Self Reflection

Truth is: Everyone you have ever met is a manipulator. If you’re in any kind of relationship albeit love, family, work, friends… EVERYONE wants something FROM you and expects you to deliver. Sometimes demands it and produces ultimatums. Even YOU. You have expectations and YOU want things from people, albeit positive vibes, a good time, money, sex, someone to listen to YOU, some encouragement and emotional support or financial support, YOU NAME IT. Nobody will tell you that honestly with the bottom line of what they are after. And if I jump to the bottom line of what I’m after, nobody wants to hang out or have sex with or even be around me… that’s just me though. Everyone is dishonest and could use some self reflection. And whomever thinks that they want truthful and honest people in their lives, we all need to skip to the bottom line and stop wasting each other’s time and avoid the associated distress.

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Integration – Integrate Yourself. Take the risk nobody else wants to take FIRST! Prove to Them that YOU BELIEVE!

—to what do we owe the pleasure? #BeaversDen #productivity #smallbusiness #veteranSBO #marketingstrategy #mobile #influence #podcast #affilliate #networking #sellyourtalents #freedom #SKU #Intergration #Interdependence #TeamBeaver

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Disclaimer

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Music I’m listening to on iTunes

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Self Love

There is a gray area between loving your self and loving yourself. Nobody can make you feel love for you more than you. Nobody can love you quite like you can. And nobody can truly love others without having enough love for themself. Have love for yourself, but don’t keep all that love to yourself. The world needs it. We all need it. Let your cup run over.

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Remember That One Time?

I think about the lyrics of a song by Edwin McCain. It’s titled, See Off This Mountain. It’s from the album Messenger 1999:

She’s a Blue Ridge cradle
She’s a mother to some
And home to the laughter
Of road weary ones
So we’ll sing all the old songs
Sing to grandmama road
And we’ll sing cause we miss her
And we’re sad she had to go
If I could see off this mountain
Through the clouds in my eyes
I would see off this mountain
On the nights stars fell
And see off this mountain
Through the tears in my eyes
I would see off this mountain
And the stars fell from the skies
In the air I hear a fiddle
Down along Hickory Way
And the mandolin guitar
Like we used to play
And down on Dunn’s rock
Brothers boasting a dare
We tell them they’re crazy
And pretend we don’t care
If I could see off this mountain
Through the clouds in my eyes
I would see off this mountain
On the nights stars fell
And see off this mountain
Through the tears in my eyes
I would see off this mountain
And the stars fell from the skies
The air tastes like moonshine
In the wind a carnival tune
It soars with our laughter
But we’ll all leave too soon
So I raise a toast to family
Put thanks in my glass
In the arms of your loved ones
It’s the only home that lasts
If I could see off this mountain
Through the clouds in my eyes
I would see off this mountain
On the night the stars fell
And see off this mountain
Through the tears in my eyes
I could see off this mountain
When the stars fell from the skies
When the stars fell from the skies
Going up to grandmama road
Going up to grandmama road
I’m happy as can be
‘Cause can’t you see
I’m going up to grandmama road 
Songwriters: Edwin Cole Mc Cain
See Off This Mountain lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

From the moment I first heard this song, I was affected profoundly. For I was going through a huge change of becoming a man and realizing what it was all for; without a clear and conscious path. I was existing and trying to find answers. I had very little guidance. What guidance I had, I didn’t believe in. I had very little confidence in it. I discovered people have their own paths to follow. But I didn’t know what was best for me. And because I didn’t know, I let others try to decide for me. My integrity was at a loss.

I think about this time, and I reflect on the elements of a happy life. I reflect on get-togethers and having a wonderful time. But those times were changing. And they were changing fast. I had hard time keeping up. And also not getting ahead of myself. I had a hard time without money and resources. I had a hard time with time management. But really though, I had a hard time processing the change. It was too much all at once.

From these lyrics, I see a pathway to my Grandma Marjorie’s house. She lived in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Near Mineral Bluff, Georgia to be as precise as possible. I remember taking trips up there with family and sometimes friends around the 4th of July. That was also her birthday. I remember going up there and everyone doing their catching up on life, talking about their personal problems and stuff. I remember the likes and dislikes of each member crossing the mouths of each other as they would tell their stories of how they recalled, “that one time”. The smell of half a pig, smoking day and night the day before the day. Some people brought their own beer and food. Others would bring their cigarettes and little bratty ass kids. My grandma kept quite a few dogs that seemed to be strays at one time. They would wait outside for scraps. All but one, Missy. Every chihuahua she kept was named Missy. And all of them were mean as hell. Except with her.

On her day, we would eat real good: pork, potato salad, beans, cornbread, corn on the cob and maybe a few different casseroles the ladies would bring with them. I would bring my guitar and maybe a few others would too. It just depended on the year and who all came out.

Every year, I would see my cousin Betty Agnes and her bunch. And truthfully, I have to hand it to her, she had the best sense of family than anyone I have ever met. And often times, it was hard for everyone to show up. The lot of us were uncompromising with how some would get into trouble and just couldn’t make it out. It was hard living up to that standard, especially when so many of us weren’t doing too well. Little did I know about responsibilities back then.

All I thought about was getting together and having a good time. Trying to be happy. So much time had past over the years and everyone seemed to drift apart. And then my granny died. Time after time of going up there and going tubing down the river or to the beach on Morganton Point,

That is about all I wanted to remember. I didn’t want to remember the gossip. I didn’t want to remember the struggles. I just wanted to remember Natures Beauty and enjoy it with everyone. I wanted to remember the smiles on their faces. I wanted to remember the pranks we would play on each other as kids. I wanted to think back on “that one time” and laugh… or just smile.

But that’s not what I remember. I remember the absence of the people I love and loved. I remember their passings. I remember their struggles. I remember how fucked up they were. I remember the gossip. I remember why other people didn’t like them… and somehow, I let that affect my association with them. And I think, THAT is ultimately how we drifted apart as a family.

And I go back to this song, thinking about if there ever will be a day that we can make new memories title “remember that one time?”.

BeaversDen

Entitled

Judging others for how you don’t like them and how incompetent they are and in turn yelling at someone for judging you and yelling at you because you are not understanding that YOU need to work on yourself.

They are entitled because they don’t want to do what those people are doing, yet they clearly need to improve their own lives.

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Things said that hurt.

You know what? Fuck your feelings, snowflake! Fuck mine too! You want to be professional and want someone else to leave emotion out of a fight, you’re gonna have to not cry when they say something mean. You want them to get a grip on their emotions, you’re gonna have to not let it bother you.

Why do I say this?

You’ve dictated the other person get control of their emotions yet, you don’t reciprocate that order. Do as I say, not as I do. Hypocrisy! Ethically speaking, you can’t cry to your boss when he or she comes at you with a problem with you. A coworker coming up to you, you can’t get all sad and upset about it. Ethically, you’re at a loss.

But you are human. You have the ability to resist emotion. Others and your own. You have the ability to deny yourself satisfaction of sexual intercourse with your partner. Denying yourself orgasm and satisfaction by it. If you can resist sexual tension, why not emotional fighting?

Get in tune with your physical core. Meditate, do yoga… just be aware of your own posturing and how you deal with people. Only 10% of life is what happens to you, 90% is how you react to it. That’s the starting point. Figure out where to go from there. Reach out to professionals if you must get help. But it still falls back on you to not excuse yourself. If you want to be treated like an equal, you should first size yourself up and see how you match up. You might not find equality but almost anything can be justified with the right argument.

But your path is based on your steps. Don’t misstep. Don’t be trippin’. You have no idea how many people will take advantage of you when you’re down.

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Anxiety from Compliments

Self-doubt sitting with you inside your head for decades causes a snap when every once in a while, someone says you’re worth more than what you think you are (based on your experience). And they leave, having you believe you are worth more just for a moment. But then you start to mess up with what you are doing. And you fall for the 2000th time. It doesn’t hurt less. It hurts more.

And after that… the next line of positive reinforcement and encouragement is just stigma that is associated with all those experiences of failure and brokenness. It’s like the saying goes, “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”. But it’s now the 2000th and 1st time. And you fall into your own hole you’ve been digging without even trying to get back up.

The mind is a very dangerous place. My only advice to people that cannot accept positive reinforcement and positive assurance and encouragement that I live in myself is this:

It is still better to try and find the beauty in the suffering of today than it is secluding yourself in all of your past darkness and what is not beautiful. Your primary purpose is just to observe. You’re not going to take anything with you when you leave this place other than memories. Try and make the best of it. Even if your best is someone else’s worst. Even if your best is not good enough. You have X amount of days in this life. If you can’t do what others expect of you, you might as well do what YOU expect of YOU. Set small goals for yourself daily. Not too much at first. Build your resistances and immunity. Little by little, you’re going to get there. Relax and clear your head. Focus on what’s in front of you. Do not rush progress. You’re on your own path. Not someone else’s. Accept your limitations and set boundaries for yourself. Work on expanding those limitations and boundaries. And inside your mind, work on compartmentalization as you meditate on what’s in front of you. Little by little. Organize your thoughts. Because at some point you’re going to need headspace. If you are running out of headspace, try organizing what you see in front of you. And make it a synchronized idiosyncrasy tailored to how you want to be organized. Make it accessible for you when you want to access it. Otherwise, it might distract you from the task at hand; or inhibit you from accessing whatever it is when you need it. Everything has a home address. It helps to maintain a balance in life when your life is not a mess. Put things where you want them to go. This is the fundamental part of living. Organization tailored to you will help tremendously.

And when you fall back into your rut, it might not be as bad as stumbling on all the crap inside your head that isn’t stowed away. For me, it helps to keep a pathway clear inside my mind that I can mentally walk through and get away. I can walk to my mental headspace of total darkness without falling on something else. As long as I can stay organized. The moment I let clutter inside my mind get out of hand, I lose it. And I still have more to go through. Some to discard, but I want to hoard for some reason. I know it doesn’t serve me well, yet I hold onto a lot of those memories. I believe my short term memory as a result is problematic. I’m still working on that. But trust when I say, it helps to keep them in a mental box, stowed away somewhere in the back of my mind.

And as for what’s on the outside, it helps to also color code your experiences you are observing right now as you go, storing these moments into memories. Light colos for good things, dark colors for bad things. Find a neutral color you like inside your head. These are going to be the majority of your memories later.

And use staples.

“Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the bird.”

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